can we begin again? [13 Apr 2005|06:01pm] NEW JOURNAL 061503 221

im so far gone.. [12 Apr 2005|07:08pm] [ mood | crushed ] its hard to say. the world never fails to disappoint me. i dont know whats going on in my life right now. i still dont get a damn thing. its hard to say, if only.. but i dont care &i cry. but its okay. last night i thought i was going to die. ive never been so scared in my life. i swear to you didnt think i was going to make it through the night. im running on no sleep. i lied.. i fell asleep i dont know how long. it felt like only 2 seconds but i had to the worst dream i woke up crying i didnt..more like couldnt go back to sleep. i cant wait until school. i cant wait. 21

love suicide. [07 Apr 2005|04:43pm] [ mood | i really am ] [ music | edwin mccain; i'll be ] i dont know. i dont know anymore. hey did you know i went out with jorge gomez? sad part is, is that i didnt know. sad. maybe i did and just forgot..? i dont get why people force things to work.. like relationships... i just dont get it. they know its not going to work out. they know they dont have feelings for eachother. yet they go along with it. they break up and then go back together knowing that nothing is okay and will more than likely never be okay. i just dont get it. night school last night was lame. i spent the majority of the night worrying about joey. we watched school of rock, got to kick it at joshies for an hour because we had a dinner break. stayed at ashleys until like 10:50. got home at 11 and worked on a project until 1:30. its cool. then i watched school of rock in photo today. bwhaha. "it'll test you mind, and your head, and your brain" hahahaha i honestly dont get life. i dont get why things happen. i dont get anything. i dont understand anyone. i dont think i ever really did. im not really happy. but im not really sad. im not mad. im nothing. im not okay with the way my life is going. but i'm not worried about it. i wish... no. nevermind. i just dont care. yeah. EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORNS, right? 121

i wanna get you high. [05 Apr 2005|06:16pm] [ music | marilyn manson;the dope show. ] man. i feel so hollow inside. i feel like everyone is pushing me away. whatever fags. whatever. mrs.macdonalds said its okay to do drugs as long as your under 18 because the brain cells that you kill come back. thats hot. i wish i had friends though. man. i want a friend and mr.nipples said joey and i have issues. joey almost made me cry. that fag. he was testing me. to see how far he could push me. he took it REALLY far. i mean REALLY. he pushed me off the top of the world. but its all better now. we talked about it. we yelled about it. he was only testing me though. so its all gravey. i think. i dont know. well. my stomach as been hurting lately. like hardcore. i think i have tummy cancer. you know what i hate, when people judge me based on my beliefs. today in 2nd they were talking about religion and god. i simply said i lost my belief in god because of the events that have happened in my life that lead me to my decision and kyle just goes "see thats what i hate about people." and got all offensive. it just really really got to me. like really. i dont know. whatever, niggas be brown nossen 21

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